Tears I never wanted.

I didn't know that I contained so much tears within me.
My first.
The one and only time I cried so much. The one and only time that I cried for 3 whole hours. When the news got to my ears in the middle of the night, I just couldn't believe it. Hit me, Slap me. I hoped that it was a dream.

/start.
Why now? Of all time now? Why? You were joking with me few days ago about my school's principal to extend how young you still were.
Reality does it all as I drench myself in tears.
Certainly, I didn't want to accept anything and everything those people told me.
When I saw you, you were there. You are always there for me. For everyone you love. Suddenly, I'm guilty for pretending to stay strong in front of everyone else for a whole 2 solid hours.
When I stepped out of the building, I broke down.
So sorry that I couldn't stay strong, strong enough to not let you see me cry.
So sorry that couldn't fake a smile even at the last minute.
I may be dumb at times, even now. I must be kidding myself.You couldn't possibly see me cry, but I know you did.
I felt weak all the sudden.
You're not there anymore any longer to guide me , to laugh at me, to help me keep secrets, to make me feel safe. I'm totally like a lost mice.

You had to go, and I'm not forgiving you for not saying a goodbye even I know you wanted to, not forgiving you for making me cry. I'm not forgiving you for leaving without sharing the things that you wanted to.
You are so un-forgiven.
There will not be anymore next time with you, even if I wanted.

But i still want to thank you.
Thank you for giving me so much memories.
Thank you for guiding me.
Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me.
Thank you for your birthday gift.
Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

Remember the times we played with the candles while we're young?So many. Remember?
Please bring these memories along, don't leave it all behind for me to contain. I just couldn't.
Lastly, I thank you very much. No one in this world can disturb you from your slumber sleep,so sleep and rest well.
I love you. Everyone loves you and bring it all together with you on the journey you're going to embark on.
goodbye.
/end.

Probably, I wouldn't be going to school tomorrow. I got a hang of myself.
I'm feeling so much better.
The masters are going to do some sort of ritual kind of things tomorrow. yeah.
So sorry jiejie and meimei in school. Couldn't acc. you guys tomorrow.
This is going to be the worst Hari Raya holiday I'm getting. Talk about luck.
*sigh*